What I Learned in Church This Sunday

So, apparently I suck at this already, b/c I haven't updated in over a week. As an apology, I will share with you the kernels of wisdom I picked up at church with the fam this Sunday. And if this sunday's congregation were any indication, these puppies will either make you shout "Amen," (as per the ignorant redneck bastards) or leave you seething and exasperated in the back row (yours truly).

So without further ado, here are some of the things I learned this sunday in church:

along with some of my responses ...

1) "Students at UNC Chapel Hill were forced to read the Qu'ran before going to college, but try to make them read the word of God and every ACLU lawyer in the nation would be in North Carolina."

... Not sure what he meant by "word of God." I'm guessing that if he meant "the B-I-B-L-E" he would've said, "that highly ambiguous and often oppressive volume, at the very least edited by rich white men interested more in preserving their own sense of power than spiritual nourishment." Lemme know if you can figure out what he meant by that archaic reference. Also, the Qu'ran was incredibly relevant in current events at the time, and most rich white kids (descendants, no doubt, of aforementioned "editors") have already read the bible, and committed every hate-filled sentiment to memory - while, of course, conveniently forgetting, oh i don't know, the teachings of love and acceptance that were the pillars of Christ's message ...

2) "There is nothing civil or American about the American Civil Liberties Union."

3) "The 'tolerance' they preach is inclusive of the very evils the church is fighting today"

I'm guessing that by "the very evils" he meant that pesky little bill of rights, which can, absurdly enough, be used to protect the rights of non-christians as well. What the f**k were our forefathers thinking?

4) "Nations of western Europe want total paganism and total annihilation of the Christian church."

5) "The Supreme Court today makes decisions, not based on the constitution, but rather, on what other nations are doing." (see #4 for relevance)

6) "Pro-choice equals pro-murder."

7) Although I can't seem to find it in my dictionary, apparently "corruptedness" is a word, especially effective when used by bellowing red-faced hate-mongers.

So yeah, since when did being a Christian have to mean being a socially/culturally unaware f**kwit, who doesn't understand simple logic or American history and government. Things like the fact that prayer in schools is not opposed because it is specifically Christian, but because NOT ALL STUDENTS ARE CHRISTIAN? And since when were the framers of the Constitution and those who fought for independence the same as THE PILGRIMS? I'm pretty sure the major issue in the revolutionary war was taxation, not whether or not Ben Franklin could post the 10 commandments in Poor Richard's Almanac and use it to proselytize.

So yeah, long story short: I won't be going back there any time soon.

Tomorrow is "Devil Wears Prada" with Nikel and Tessa, followed by KELLY CLARKSON. Oh yes, I could just wet my pants.

Holla back.