Tina Fey is my moral compass

I've been thinking a bit over the last several weeks about this one snippet of a 30 Rock episode where Tracy asks Liz Lemmon if her strange behavior is a result of "lady problems," and she replies, "NO TRACY, I just had my 'lady problems' like ... oh, blargh," or something to that effect. Even though the exchange happens in passing, and isn't even a blip on the radar of the episode's narrative arc, it struck me just how cruel a reminder of the passage of time the menstrual cycle must be.

I mean, I guess ultimately it just reinforces how easy guys have it. Can you guys out there even imagine how depressed you would be if you got a reminder every 28 days or so not only of the time-sensitive nature of your potential parenthood, but also the expiration date of your junk and, what's more, your very life? I'm gonna say it. It must suck to have a uterus.

Even while falling to my knees to thank the Almighty that I was born a dude, I ran through a not-too-short list of ways life could suck if a certain chromosome hadn't come into play. Perhaps I shall devote an entire series of postings to these comparisons. For now, just this: men's clothing sizes are more forgiving.

Across the wide spectrum of male body-types, from Adrien Brody to Dom Deluise, there are basically only four sizes. A man is either small, medium, large, or extra-large. Even as someone who has (for a not-so-brief period - let's call it "my adolescence") forayed into the embarrassing realm of the multiple X's, I think the relative simplicity of men's sizing can hardly compare with the cruelly quantitative nature of "Women's Wear." The fact that a number exists that fluctuates in direct proportion to the size of your ass and dictates which sections (or even which stores!) you can shop in, is a horrifying prospect to me.

So, what? If you're lucky, you start your sartorial existence in the single digits. But then, you know, puberty hits, and after that freshman year accosts your midriff with the cruelty of a thousand quadrangles. And then FINALLY, one month, your Aunt doesn't come to town (or whatever antiquated system of euphemistic my-sister-menstruista-is-home-on-holiday bullshit your family subscribes to) and you're free for nine months of the cruel reminders. But on the tenth month, you've got a screaming infant, you're sleep deprived, and you feel like you're wearing one of those sumo wrestler Halloween costumes that sprung an air-leak.

Before you know it, you're in the double digits - the numbers themselves getting wider, mocking and taunting your ass, which in turn becomes even more defiant and openly hostile to its neighboring regions, ignoring the sovereignty of their borders and the autonomy of your thighs and hips. Pretty soon, you've progressed from the 10s to the 20s, and have to shop at separate stores. Stores with "barn" in the name. How fucked up is it to put "barn" in the name of a store for big girls? You're relegated to the ranks of the plus-sized - the once innocuous operation of addition now an act of outright aggression.

Meanwhile, your male compatriots progressed only from a L to an XL. I guess all this is to say: in college, I lost 35 pounds, and only changed two sizes. Thanks be to God.

MIA

I've been MIA for months now, but I think the time has arrived for my triumphal re-entry into the blogosphere.

Couple things:

-The advent of vlogs. Where to start? I suppose it works for some people, but I gladly hide behind my sarcasm and caustic tone in the blogosphere. I take refuge in the fact that no one can actually see my defiant mug as I spout off about my grandma's dog or my personal medical history. And what's more, none of you bitches can watch me as I search for the perfect words (liberally sprinkled with profanities, for comic effect) to describe how I feel or how ridiculous my subject is. (That, and I don't have to shower or stop eating my feelings to type.)

-Twitter. Just created my account a few weeks ago. Trying to figure it all out. It's harder to be funny in 140 characters or less. Unless you're Rainn Wilson (Dwight from The Office) and have mastered the art of random hiariosity. (That's a word, right?) When I first started, I took all Twitter's suggestions of people to "follow." (This means that their microblog posts show up in your newsfeed.) After 3 days of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore running off at the mouth about Kabbalah and Oscar parties, I had to delete them. Thinking of swearing off celebrities in the Twitter realm.

That's all I got for now. Kel, Vosh and I are going to "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" at Lyric Stage tonight. Should be fun.

New Blog

Hi guys.

Just wanted to drop a link on this blog to a separate blog I just started solely for the purpose of listing my upcoming performances!

It's at http://joshuataylorbaritone.blogspot.com.

Also, if you'd like email notification whenever the performance blog is updated, send me an email at josh.taylor1@gmail.com, requesting such, and I'll add you to the list!

Stop by and visit today!

The Throat that God Forsook

So let's talk about how I had a performance of the Fauré Requiem several weeks ago, conducted by my friend Tim Westerhaus. I got really nervous, because I developed a bit of a sore throat in the few days beforehand. But being a good germ-aware and "voce" conscious singer, I scheduled a doctor appointment just to be sure it wasn't anything more serious than a sore throat. I ended up seeing the nurse practitioner because the doctor was ill. Nurse practitioner (NP) said that it seems to just be viral, and that I needed to take it easy and just wait it out.

So I took the day off of school and stayed on the couch, sipping chicken broth and tea, sucking on lozenges, and resting "la voce." By friday, things were under control, and I gave a performance of the Requiem that I really felt proud of. Life was good. Saturday was spent at Harvard in rehearsals for Lowell House's Der Rosenkavalier (I'm singing Faninal - holla). I called it a relatively early night on Saturday, but am awakened at about 2:30am on Sunday by chills, followed by sweating, aches, and general gross-ness. I thought I had the flu. Long story short, it ended up being a viral infection in my throat that put me out of commission for a whole week. It was totally disgusting and by far the weirdest ailment I've ever suffered.

In other news, the performances of Der Rosenkavalier came and went. It was alot of fun - the cast were amazingly funny and great to work with. And having the role on my resume feels like a definite accomplishment because it's such a tough opera, musically. This week, we started staging "La Boheme" at BU, which will be alot of fun, I think.

Also, I just got a new computer a couple of weeks ago and it's effing SWEET. It's a new Macbook, and has the really cool "Photobooth" program (hence the picture). Any of you Gastonia/Charlotte type people who might be reading, I'm coming home at the end of May for a couple of weeks! Blow up my cell. I'm in town on and off from May 23-ish through June 12-ish. That's all I got for today. I'll try to holla at you again soon, now that I'm not schlepping out to La Harvard every effing night.

Here's a parting gift for those of you who care enough to read this. "Whitney Screws Up The Classics"

Happy Holla-days 2006

So I should definitely be packing right now, but I'm not feeling very productive so I thought I'd update the old blog instead. I'm leaving tomorrow to fly back to Boston. I've been home almost three weeks, and while it's been great to see people and spend the holidays with family, I'm quickly running out of things to do.

last night, mason stayed over, and fuck me if he isn't the most spoiled thing i've ever met, haha. and what's worse is that he is, indeed, a baby genius. he plays my mom like a fiddle. every time he didn't get his way, he would throw a huge screaming, crying, tantrum. "i want my mooooommmmy ..." i want your fucking mommy too, you little shit. just kidding. he's totally adorable, but tantrums get him nowhere with me. you can't bullshit a bullshitter ... it's all i'm saying.

this afternoon, i went out to eat with my grandparents, randi and dale, mom and joe, ashley, and lindsay and mason. i definitely wanted to see them all one last time before i leave, so that was awesome.

this week, nikel and i drove to furman to catch up with people and have a little fun before i head back to boston. wednesday night, i got to have dinner with bruce. i miss him SO MUCH. i love jim as a voice teacher, but there are definite boundaries to our relationship i think. with bruce, neither of us had any personal boundaries or sense of propriety, so lessons weren't only informative, but also irreverent and riotous romps. (that's right, don't hate on the alliteration)


thursday, i met kate and carolyn for breakfast in downtown greenville, which was nice and relaxing. lunch was spent with one bill thomas - equally nice to catch up with him. in the afternoon, kate and i sang for bruce and gail's studios. kate sang the hell out of some pamina. it was really lovely. thursday night was carolyn carrier's orchestral debut playing gershwin's rhapsody in blue. can we talk about how my friend carolyn is a total rockstar?! she played the hell out of the piece. though a groundbreaking work, i maintain that carolyn's subtle, intuitive, highly sensitive and elegant touch is better suited to more nuance-based pieces. but i couldn't have been more proud of my friend. i was beaming so hard, i swear a little pee may have come out.

so yeah, tomorrow is my flight home. i'm really looking forward to getting back to boston. i don't think that i had realized just how comfortable i had gotten in boston, and how attached i've grown to my BU folks. they really are incredible - amazingly talented and generally awesome human beings. not to mention my awesome roommates. can't wait to get back to see them all.

brookline, here i come. challah back.

Headshots, etc.

So it's been AGES since i last updated, but whoa damn have i been busy. The fringe festival at BU closes this weekend. What an intense process! I had no idea how insane the process for fringe was. Basically, we had a couple weeks to learn music, a week of staging rehearsals, a week of tech rehearsals, and then we opened. It was crazy, but my show was a ton of fun. And one of the best parts was getting to know the undergrads who were in the chorus with me. They are SO MUCH FUN - and I wouldn't have known just how fun, had we not done this show together. So that's awesome.

In other news, I sat for new headshots a couple weeks ago. Friends on facebook will already know, b/c I made it my profile pic, but I'm pretty pleased. It was NOT, however, an easy process. I rented a zipcar (www.zipcar.com) to get out to the studio, b/c it's at Porter Square in Cambridge and can easily take over an hour if you take the T. However, driving in Boston is complete insanity. I swear to God, I get lost EVERY TIME I get behind the wheel. Without fail. Emperically - I am incapable of driving in Boston. I was a half-hour late for my shoot, haha. [That being said, I've reserved a zipcar for the whole day Friday, when Sara comes to visit!!!] But luckily, we still took over 260 shots during my time.

So yeah. I'm all kinds of stoked about coming home for Thanksgiving. You know, Furman was less than 2 hours away from home, and although I never went home, I guess I never realized how nice it was to be that close, and to know that I could hop in the car and go if I wanted. I'm SO excited to go home and see family. I remember when Lee went to MSM, she said that she really wanted to live in a city and to discover all the things about herself that she really needed to live on her own in a new place to discover. I totally feel that now. Especially with the things that've happened at home in my absence, and the things that have happened here in Boston, there's a weird comfort in knowing that when I go back to Gastonia (aka the place I was itching to leave all summer) the people I love will be there waiting for me.


I hate when people pour their hearts out online, so I feel this is a good time to tell a dirty joke. Bwahaha. So the new Christopher Guest movie is coming out soon, and there's a line where the guy who played the commentator at the dog show in Best in Show says, "Well, you know what they say about the blind prostitute ... 'you really have to hand it to her'."

heehee. Also, Aimee Mann just released a christmas album. Go out and buy it IMMEDIATELY. AND Desperate Housewives is rocking this season. We're back to the deliciously smutty sentiment of its inception, and I'm LOVING it. If you're not watching, you should be.

Cheers, friends. :)

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

So I've been neglecting the blog for awhile. But Tuesday was my birthday and it was great! Well, eventually it was great, haha.

It started frightfully early with the traditional call from la mia madre (who shares my birthday, and thus feels entitled to call at the ass-crack of dawn to sing happy birthday at the top of her lungs ... luckily this year she chose ONE key and stayed in it). Then I had to schlep into school for my 9am class, because I was supposed to present. But as fate would have it, we didn't get to me, so I hauled ass all the way into school for no reason.

But in the afternoon at my opera rehearsal, all of a sudden the lights went out and people started singing "Happy Birthday," and they brought me two hostess cupcakes from the vending machine with candles. It was super sweet and made me feel really great. After the rehearsal, Marci and Chris took me out to this incredible Italian restaurant in Brookline Village called Pomodoro. It was insanely delicious. AND they gave us free calimari!

And dinner was followed by "Cake and Cocktails at Chez Josh," which was tons of fun. I was surprised that so many folks made it all the way out to Cleveland Circle, and it made me all kinds of happy to have them in my home. It totally felt like I lived here, you know?

Anyway, thanks to everyone who sent me birthday well-wishes - I was really feeling the love through facebook. (I got 54 emails from people writing on my wall!)